Friday, November 13, 2009 @ 5:55 PM

burning traces of life

"Seeing him was like being struck with a gentle hammer, or having a stone dropped straight through the pond surface of myself. He was golden and beaming, sweetness streaming out of his perfect face. Throughout my teenage years I’d pined for a teen novel construction of what my ideal mate would look like: taller than me but not by much, slim but strong, thick wavy hair, ready smile. Now here he was, but better, with an accent and olive skin and, remarkably, impossibly, his eyes mirrored my own delighted shock, each of us suddenly shot through with that rare immediate affinity, the effortless, unexpected connection that can sustain a person for days, months, years, with the simple hope of brushing it again."

SWEDISH ARE CRAZY
THEY HAVE SINGERS AND MEATBALLS AND IKEA
And I am off to camp tomorrow! Feels like ages ages ages since I have been to one but not looking forward to high stuff because I do not like high stuff. That and anything sea-y.
At least three shirts socks slippers toothbrush insect repellent sleeping bag! And leave sunglasses at home.

And have I said that Project Work is over?!
Feels like we just overcame war but we are alive, oh yes we are alive and alright and ready to take on the world.

Sunday, November 8, 2009 @ 12:02 PM

DANCE DANCE DANCE!

HELLO MILITARY DOLLS I AM REALLY ELATED RIGHT NOW BECAUSE IT IS SUNDAY (I love Sundays) AND I FINISHED MY ORAL PRESENTATION AND I AM FLOATING TO THE LIBRARY LATER.

Project Work has been absolutely mind numbing and now that all we have left is Insights and Reflection (which does not sound like a lot but By God it is. I saw the model piece and am like What NO Insights and Reflections are supposed to be like Yes I love my project but improvements can be made so there and not 500 words long but oh well.) I am still really pleased.

And I am going to the library! Which is always a good thing.

I like the feeling of things going according to plan. I like the feeling of having coffee on Sunday mornings, of making my mother happy when I hand her my result slip, of dancing with my House Committee members (if what we do is dancing most of it is shuffling of feet and wailing arms but Ranice does it like an art and so will we!). The feeling of contentment, but not fulfillment. Not that yet.

Lots of good things coming up though!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009 @ 7:42 PM

wadrobe malfunctions

One favourite pastime of me and my sister is digging into our closets and trying on all our clothes. Frivolous waste of time, but fun nonetheless. Sweeping aside clutter to find that dress we bought two weeks ago, trying on and taking off and throwing on the bed then trying on again. Pulling something out of the wadrobe every minute with a crazed look on our faces, mixing and matching the weirdest combination of outfits together and coming up with something beautiful. Discovering an item we have not worn in ages and working it so we can strut the streets feeling like a million bucks. Throwing opinions while rummaging through each other's stuff.

Does this make me look fat?
If I wear this tomorrow would it look too dressy?
I think you should wear that with leggings. (Because we both Love Leggings)
Oh my God that dress is so cute!
Nenek lawa tak?
You can wear that with your black shoes with little heels and the pointy front.
Wait I have never seen this before.
I think it's Syahirah's.
Can you pull me out of this thing?!

Leaving a mess of clothes everywhere, a pretty-much-empty-now wadrobe, clothes hanging off doorknobs and my Grandmother's bed, exhausted but feeling psyched to go out because when you find a nice outfit you want to go out now, and finally just lying down on the bed and zoning out.

Sunday, October 25, 2009 @ 10:46 AM

the hand that moved the cradle, moved the world.

Reading a beautiful book while kicking back at Starbucks with Java Chip Venti, listening to strains of John Mayer, watching the world go by while feeling like time has frozen and just zoooonee outtttt.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009 @ 8:58 PM

raise it up!

It is getting increasingly harder to focus on what it is I want right now. There suddenly seems to be a world of possibilities and so many choices to make when previously there was none. Somehow like someone is saying "Here is what you wanted little fish now choose but don't fuck up". Choose but don't fuck up. Ironic really. I figured something like this would make it easier to breathe not make me asphyxiated. Then I catch myself asking for too much again and wonder why I cannot just accept it as it comes and be grateful. Because God knows I have a lot to be grateful about.

On a much much brighter note, I am coming to appreciate the people around me so much everyday. Yesterday I was saying to them guys that I felt as if I have known them forever. And it is true, it really feels that way. Like.. "kindred spirits" (in text citation; Erfi).
For what it is worth, I am really grateful that no matter what will be, I get to go through this trying period with such slinkster cool people.

My mother is such a gem. She has been nothing but supportive through my ugly spirit moods and warrior tantrums. When I felt like a porcelain cup with hair line cracks she treads carefully so that I don't break.
And I know that she will be with me no matter what. Making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and doling advice and fretting over my bedtime.

I cannot stop listening to Florence and The Machine right now.
The Drumming Song remind me of how Witch Baby felt with Angel Juan. Like a drum being beaten from the inside.

I want my secret agent lover man.
But for now I will settle with this.Now isn't this a yummy sight to wake up to in the morning.

Monday, October 19, 2009 @ 11:12 AM

with my fortunes to renew

People I cannot stop listening to as I attempt to complete my Project Work while staying sane.

Friday, October 16, 2009 @ 8:55 PM

the waters and the wild.

Sometimes I spend so much time wondering and forget how to just be.
I feel so indebted to so many people in my life right now who have got me to where I am now and strangely while that should make me feel trapped and vulnerable, strangely, I feel.. alright. Like embracing monotony after a whirlwind of events, like when you release your breath after holding it underwater for so long, like watching a fragment of a beautiful obsession going up in flames.
Like everything is going to be okay.